Different Lenses
The same moment can mean something completely different to two different people.
Where our lens begins
None of us arrive at the world with a blank slate.
​
The family we grow up in, the culture around us, the people who raise us, the places we’ve lived and the things we’ve been through all shape what feels normal, what we expect from people and how we make sense of the world around us.
​
Sometimes we don’t even realise we’re looking through a lens until we meet someone looking through a completely different one.
The lens we look through
Our lens shows up in places we probably don’t think about - the tone we hear in someone’s voice, what we consider rude, what makes us feel safe, how we parent, what success looks like, what we expect from relationships and even what we think someone meant by a text.
​
Two people can experience the exact same moment and walk away with completely different stories, because neither of us is seeing the moment alone - we’re seeing it through everything we’ve lived before it.
Same moment. Different lens. Different story.
The same moment, different meaning
A manager gives two employees the same feedback. One walks away feeling encouraged and sees an opportunity to grow, while the other spends the rest of the day wondering if they’re actually any good at their job.
A friend cancels dinner. You might think, no worries, we’ll catch up another time, while someone else immediately wonders if they’ve done something wrong.
​
What happened might be the same. What we make of it can be completely different.
A different way to see people
Once you understand that everyone is looking through a different lens, people’s reactions and choices can start to make more sense.
​
You can disagree with someone and still be curious about how they got there. What have they lived through? What was normal in their world? What might they be seeing that you aren’t?
​
Understanding someone’s lens may not change your opinion of what they did, but it can change the way you understand them.
Another Lens
Whanaungatanga (fa-naung-a-ta-nga) is often translated as relationships, kinship and connectedness, but it goes further than that. It recognises that our lives are woven together, and that the wellbeing of one person can affect the wellbeing of the whole.
Viewed through this lens, people aren’t moving through life in isolation. We’re shaped by our families, communities and relationships, and the way we treat one another can strengthen trust, restore connection or leave a mark we may never fully see.
Try this
The next time someone sees a situation differently to you, resist the urge to explain your perspective first.
Instead ask yourself:
​
What experiences might have shaped the lens they're looking through?
You may still disagree.
But you'll almost certainly understand them better.
​
​
Explore the people, places and experiences that have shaped the way you see yourself, others and the world.
What shaped your lens?
The world isn't experienced through our eyes alone.
It's experienced through everything we've lived.